Reason #1: They Starve Children
Timmy's outlets are known for their long lineups, especially for the 9-5 employed human. Shit is like crack to some of these fiends so they will risk being late to work. Hence the fluctuation in tardiness, which equals jobs lost, which then equals an abundance of unemployed parents which then, of course, leads to hungry children.
Reason #2: They Staff Aliens.
Reason #3: Demon Affiliation
Horton was the Devil's Servant hence the franchise name being an homage to him. For reference, see the Bible, Matthew 4:18.
I know I've been going hard at Tim Horton's lately, I guess my range of creative bullshit hit a wall as of late. Anyway, I hope they have a counter-attack cuz this shit is mad easy.
Mar 28, 2011
Mar 24, 2011
Mar 22, 2011
BOWMANVILLE, ON - "You know, I usually get very excited about Timmy's new menu items, but when I saw the new Timmy's donut, I almost s#$t myself" said Karen Carey O'Finney of 8th Ave. as a burst of laughter roared throughout the local Tim Horton's on Friendly Lane in Bowmanville. "I'm sorry about the pottymouth, not too ladylike is it? I'm just so darned excited!!" She giggled with excitement as a shiny tear fell from her cakey, Canadian eye.
The excitement is province wide as the new Tim Horton's "Maple Thunder Mangiacake Donut" hits Timmy's locations early May. "We thought we'd pack this bad boy with everything Canadian from a tube of Ketchup, signed Dougie jersey, a pack of Player's Light, a pair of Brooks and so much more...really is there anything more Canadian?" Timmy's CEO Ken Kevin Jamie Flanagan Reid Horton said early Tuesday. Retail price is set at $59.99. While quantities last.